I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
