Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
