No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
