Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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