you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
