And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As shirtless as possible
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
