Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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