Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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