Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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