god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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