i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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