I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
