If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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