I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
