he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
