a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize