My hand turned me down
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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