you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
bring money and cleavage
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
