I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
