yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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