do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
