I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize