the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
