Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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