We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
