yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize