if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
