I'm so fucking centered right now
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
