I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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