I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
