That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
