she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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