i permit you to call me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
