The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
