thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
