Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
