I'm so fucking centered right now
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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