I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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