Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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