yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
