Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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