There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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