Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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