grandma shit on top of the toilet
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize