Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
