Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
