The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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