and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
