I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
