Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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