what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
