I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
