I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
