he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
