It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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