He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
