my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
