hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
