Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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